A Change

This post is a bit difficult for me because I've never been the type to talk religion. I've always had a distant cousin relationship with god, never seeking to know him better or calling him family. This semester I decided to enact a change in myself, a change to become closer to God. The college I attend has a weekly service for their students. It's called Breakaway. I made a goal to attend as many of these services as possible. The speaker makes his messages target the crowd that he his speaking to; addressing classes, stress and even our sex-crazed culture. Through these services I have slowly grown closer to Him, I've started praying more, and I feel a change in my soul.
The funny thing is, I had the hardest time deciding on where to go to college. I've always been such a creative person, and I always pictured myself at a school where there was a strong art program. In fact, I was all set to start at one, and went to the orientation only to come home crying. I just KNEW it wasn't the place that I wanted to be. Somehow, I ended up at a school with no art program once so ever. Strange, I always thought. I didn't really know why I was drawn here. It never really hit me till this week, God knew this was where I was going to find him.
This school isn't a private school with a religious base, instead it is a public school with a very unusual amount of Christians. I know if I would've attended the other school I would've quickly gone on the path to become an atheist. It shames me to admit that, but it's true.
Instead, here I am at Texas A&M. I love it here. I love the people. I love Breakaway. I love God.
This weekend one of my closest childhood friend's father passed away. It was a bit of a shock, his health seemed to plummet in only a couple days time. For some reason, earlier this week the thought of why God causes sickness and death to those most faithful to him plagued at me. I didn't understand it, and for some reason I broke down and started crying and begging him to teach me why. The next day I had found out about my friend's father's stroke. He was in critical condition and they didn't know if he would make it. This plague seemed to grow even larger in me. This man was a pastor, a good man. Why had God done this?
Last night I found out he had passed.
I still asked myself and God "why?" Over and over.
To be honest, I still don't understand. But I feel like I'm getting there.
I hope this post doesn't steer some away. I know the subject of religion is a touchy one, I mean to only spread my happiness in finding him, and I hope that I am able to touch even one person into starting the path to find him.
We may not know all the answers, but we must know that He is there.

If you wish to start this journey, check out Breakaway Ministries 
Another suggestion is keeping a art journal. Do this at your own pace. Here is a picture of my journal page on the day the thought of sickness and death plagued my heart. It's been my most emotional entry yet, and the first one that I have really focused completely on God.